One of my favorite songs from the early days of my walk with God is "Who Am I?". Not the more recent version by Casting Crowns (although that, too, is one of my favorites), but the older version written and recorded by Rusty Goodman. What a voice he had and how smoothly he could move through a song! The words of the song he penned still bring tears to my eyes.
I have been thinking a lot about those words in the past couple of days. I am more aware with each passing day how undeserving I am of all the blessings my precious God has bestowed upon me. I sometimes find myself thinking that I have done nothing to merit such love and concern as that which God shows to me. Who am I to be chosen to receive from the very throne room of Heaven? What could I possibly have said or done that God would deem me worthy of His very best?
I think of how frail my human wrappings are--how riddled with faults and shortcomings my fallen nature is and I am amazed at Gods complete disregard for it all. I find myself driven to my knees in sheer gratitude that the creator of Heaven and earth would be mindful of me, the least of His servants. I look up at the beautiful North Carolina sky, with all its stars shining like diamonds in the royal blue of night, and I realize that the God who flung them into space from the palm of His hand now holds me safely in that same palm! Who am I?
There are nights when my heart is heavy and rest is fleeting. My spirit grieves over someone I love, or some event of the day for which I find no peace, no resolution. My tears fall easily and my voice whispers to God for help. There, in the shadows of night, I feel the softness of His presence. There comes a change in the atmosphere of my room--a knowing that He is near. I rest in the company of the one who is the throb of my heart, the air that I breathe. Then, I am humbled to know that I have done nothing to be found worthy of the peace He brings to me. I receive only because I am loved.
Nothing says it better than the words Rusty wrote so long ago:
"When I'm reminded of His words,
I'll leave thee never.
Just be true, I'll give to you
I wonder what I could have done
To deserve God's only Son,
To fight my battles until they're won
For, who am ?
"Who am I that a King would bleed and die for?
Who am I that He would pray, not my will thine for?
The answer I may never know,
Why He ever loved me so,
That to an old rugged cross He would go,
For, who am I?"
Dearest friends, we may never really know why God loves us so much. We may never understand why He constantly pulls us towards Himself and why He is so insistent upon sharing with us the treasures of Heaven. I have come to believe that it is that very sense of our own unworthiness and our weak attempt at gratitude that forces Him to continue to give us blessing after blessing. It is the knowledge that we are His children and, like a true father, He wants us to have the best. He gave us His Son to take upon His human likeness all the sins we have ever committed. He did that so that I could be with Him always. I am blessed beyond words. I am loved beyond limits. Who am I? I am a child of the King.