Remaining Daddy's Girl

                                                    My sweet Daddy, Rev. Russell Caudill

 I have written before of the relationship between my dear father and I.  We were so very close and he was my hero and closest confidant.  He was my protector and my faithful prayer warrior.

On May 29, 2023, my father passed and transitioned to his eternal rest with the One he had served so faithfully and so valiantly during his 93 years of life.  Oh, how I miss him.  I loved him so dearly and still do, even in death my love for him has not lessened.  He was the kindest and best of men as well as a wonderful father.

With my father's passing, I came to realize what it was like to be an adult orphan.  My mother passed in April of 2017--losing her was almost more than I could bear.  However, I still had my father who was a tremendous source of comfort to me.  With his passing, my heart ached in ways I cannot describe. The space my father filled in my life will be forever vacant.  Now, with both of my parents gone, I find life so difficult to navigate at times and so lonely without them.

As a child, Daddy would often whisper in my ear, "Daddy's girl". Though I have mentioned this in previous posts, it is ever more precious now to remember those moments.  Even as an adult, he would look at me and say, "You are still a Daddy's girl".  How I would love to hear his voice saying those words again.

What I have learned through this time of great loss is that remembering my father keeps him close.  His words, his prayers, his counsel, and his faithful teaching, remain with me.  I find myself thinking of my brothers and my parents so often, remembering them with gratitude and love.  How gracious of God to have given me such an awesome mother and father.  I am not unaware of how rare this was and, even now, I understand even more the blessing of such a family.

Grief hits us at the gut level and takes away a part of our lives that we were never prepared to lose.  The family unit is never the same when loved ones die and we can never look at life the same again.  A beautiful song by Willie Nelson describes it best: "It's not something you get over, it's just something you get through."

And yet, even in the midst of our grief, we come to realize that we have the opportunity to be reunited with those we love.  Death is but a temporary separation and we will see them again. What a glorious day that will be.  Until then, I will do my best to carry on--to fight the good fight of faith--to remember all that my parents taught me--to recall with great joy the lives of the two brothers I have lost--to never let go of the memories.  I will continue to trust the God who cannot fail--the God who is ever present and always near.

I cannot find the words to tell how much I miss my family members who have died.  I find my life empty in some areas because they are not here.  But Oh!!  the joy of that reunion when we shall meet again in that wonderful place called Heaven where there is no death and no sorrow.  I will continue to live by faith, trusting in God all the way until I see my father and again hear him say, "You're still a Daddy's girl".

Yes I am, Daddy.  Yes I am.

Grace and Mercy

WOW!  It has been two years since I have written anything on this blog---or anywhere else for that matter.  Most of my favorite bloggers are no longer maintaining their blogs and I just sort of stopped mine as well.  Social media has now become the most popular means of staying in touch but I find it difficult sometimes to adjust to that form of communication.  So, I have decided to resume my writing here.

I have recently moved back to Ohio after having lived in North Carolina for almost 13 years.  My father celebrated his 90th birthday in March and I felt a need to be closer to him as he ages.  My daughter and grandchildren remain in North Carolina while she obtains her nursing degree and then it is my hope that they will return to Ohio as well.

Shortly after moving back to my home state, I was in a horrible auto accident.  I suffered some serious injuries and am now recovering in my son's home until I am able to have my own place.  During the time I have been recuperating, I have had many talks with my father regarding how close I came to losing my life.  As a former pastor my father has wisdom that still astounds me.  Following a pause during a recent conversation he said to me, "Surviving that accident was God's grace and mercy all the way through.".  How true were his words.  I did survive because of God's grace--His unmerited favor and divine influence upon my heart--and His unending mercy--a blessing that is an act of divine favor or compassion.

How undeserving we are of these gifts that come from the heart of God.  Many times I have allowed other things to take the time that I should have given to God and let my relationship with Him slide further down my list of priorities.  But how merciful of God to still extend grace and mercy. Though we experience adversity that we think will take us to the grave, God still cares enough to extend His grace and loves us enough to be merciful.  

Oh, how I love Him.  When trials come we learn how important it is to maintain our faith and trust in Him.  We learn that nothing can replace Him, no peace is found outside of Him, and He alone can give us joy unspeakable.  Yes, there are people in our lives that we love and cherish.  There are memories we cherish as well and new memories waiting to be made.  That being said, we must never lose sight of the fact that our first priority must always be our relationship with the one who extends His grace and mercy to us on a daily basis.  

I pray to never lose sight of the fact that he spared my life for a purpose.  I know that I must not let the lessons I have learned remain untold.  I want to know that when I pass from this life to the next the experiences that I have had will become guideposts to those I leave behind.  The words to a precious song recorded by Steve Green come to mind:  "May the ones who come behind us find us faithful...".  As long as God will extend His grace and mercy, and I will do my part to maintain a relationship with Him, then the ones who come behind me will find me faithful.  Praise God!

In Grace, 

Marie

Continuing On

Not many people are writing on blogs these days---including me.  Life and time seem to pass so quickly.  Settling down to write just isn't at the top of anyone's "to do" list.  Technology affords us the opportunity of instant communication and most of us would rather take advantage of a text message or email than to take time to write anything else.  Still, there are instances when something written in another's hand becomes more meaningful than anything money can buy.

I was reminded of this recently when I read my Mother's prayer notebook.  Mother passed away in April of last year and she gave me her prayer notebook before she died.  Written in a simple spiral bound  notebook, her words became more precious than gold to me.  The names of people she loved and the needs of their lives were written in her sweet handwriting with the dates of the entries recorded at the top of the page.  Every new date had the names of my father, my brothers, the grandchildren and the great grandchildren along with others she knew needed prayer.  My name was on the list as well.  I was deeply touched when I read an entry that had listed my name, the needs I had and ended with the words, "I love her so."  Of course, I burst into tears at the thought of how much my mother loved me and how sincerely she prayed for me and all the others on her list.

Oh!  I miss her so.  My mother was more than a parent.  She was a friend, a mentor, an example, and an inspiration.    Life is definitely harder without her and I am lonely without her presence.  No one has meant so much to me as Mother.  I yearn for her touch, her laughter, her wisdom.  She was a godly woman whose daily life reflected her devotion and her love for the Savior she served so well.  And yet, I would not bring her back from the presence of the Lord.  She had suffered so much physical pain from heart failure and had grown weaker in the last year of her life.  Now she is free of that pain and suffering.  She is truly at rest.

Still, I am touched by her handwritten prayers and the example she provided me.  So, I am continuing on with the prayers that Mother began.   I cannot replace her nor can I become her.  What I can do is follow her example of prayer and devotion.  I can learn from her disciplined prayer life and continue seeking God for the needs and concerns of those I love.  Prayer was a privilege that my Mother never took for granted.  It is a privilege that I recognize and value as well.  For that privilege, I am continuing on.  I am certain Mother would like that.

Life Unexpected

Life hits hard sometimes---and sometimes we are not expecting the hit.  We go along with our everyday lives doing what we need to do and trying as best we can to enjoy the life that we have been given.  Ah, but then the unexpected happens and we are left wondering "What do I do now?".     Such was the case recently for me.

My youngest brother asked me to come home to Ohio to stay with our parents while he made an out of town trip.  Mother was not well and he didn't want to go away without leaving someone to look out for her.  I made the journey from North Carolina to Ohio to spend a week with my parents and see my other family members.  I arrived early in the morning and peeked in on Mother.  When she saw me she reached up and gave me the tightest hug ever.  Two days later, Mother's health worsened and she was admitted to the hospital with complications from congestive heart failure.  After 10 days in the hospital, the last 7 being in an inpatient hospice unit, Mother slipped peacefully away to meet the God that she had served and loved so faithfully.

At her funeral service, I thought my heart would break as I said goodbye to the Mother I had loved so dearly.  The days that followed were so difficult without her.  I longed for the sound of her voice and to hear her pray just one more time.  I stayed for two weeks with my sweet Daddy who so deeply mourned the loss of the love of his life (they were married for 66 years).  Saying goodbye to my father was also painful as I knew he would now be in the house alone.

Driving home, I pondered the unexpectedness of life.  My mind reviewed life events and how the things that hurt the most were the ones for which I was not prepared.  Oh, but on the heels of those meandering thoughts came the realization that those same events were the ones in which God so profoundly proved Himself to be the God of all comfort.  No matter how dark was my path, how broken was my heart, how endlessly the tears fell, He comforted me.  He held me up and would not let me fall.  He kept reminding me that I was loved---that I was His child and He would never leave  me or forsake me.  I began to marvel at the capacity of God to be an unending  source of comfort and love.  I am completely humbled by the thought that He would be so mindful of my broken heart and so eager to ease my pain.  What a great God we serve!

Mother passed on April 5th.  The days have been so lonely without her.  I find myself reaching for the phone to call her or almost asking Daddy if I could speak to her when we are on the phone.  I think we learn to live without those we love but we never truly get over it.  We learn to lean on the Lord just a little harder.  We learn to love our family and friends a little deeper.  Lastly, we learn that nothing is permanent and life events can be so unexpected.  We realize that there is nothing we can take for granted and that every moment must be savored and enjoyed to its fullest.

Pray for me, my friends, that I will remain faithful to the teachings of my Mother and honor her by continuing the legacy that she has left behind.  I cannot be her equal but I will follow her example.  I know that God will see me through and that He alone is the source of true joy.  Life happens with or without God but how much better it is to have His comfort and His promise that He will be the ever present help in time of trouble.  We may not know what to expect from life at times, but we can always know what to expect with God--an unfailing, unending source of strength, love, and comfort---even when the unexpected happens.

Loving Life

I must admit that there are times when loving life is a challenge.  How easy it is to be gracious and grateful when all is going well but how difficult it can be to remain thankful and feel blessed when all around us life is falling apart.
It is during these times of heartache and despair, when emotional pain and physical exhaustion take over our lives, that we learn just how very near God is.  In fact, it is the midst of these times that we can feel Him closer, rest in His comfort, and enjoy His presence in a way that we cannot know when life is going smoothly.
Heartache is never planned, disaster is often not expected.  When we do experience these things, we are often hit so hard that it feels as if our minds are numb and our heart struggles to beat.  It is not easy to work our way out of this emotional turmoil and to even think of what to do next.
This is where God's love and mercy reveal themselves in such a magnificent way.  To know God is to experience His great love and to understand that He is, as the great King David said, "...an ever present help in time of trouble.".  How wonderful to know that we have a God who cares so deeply for us that, even when a time of sorrow and despair had descended upon us, He eases the burden by His whisper, "I am here.  Don't be afraid---you are not alone."
In the book of II Corinthians 1:3-4, the apostle Paul wrote such beautiful words regarding comfort:

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,
Who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God."  (NIV)

How this thrills me to know that not only will I be comforted during my times of difficulty but, after I have experienced the comfort of the Lord, I will be able to comfort others who are suffering or hurting.  Oh, to be able to help others and to encourage them with the love and comfort of our great Father-God.  When life becomes so overwhelming and nearly unbearable it is such a blessing to be able to provide comfort and encouragement to others.
So, do I love life?  Oh, yes.  Do I always love life experiences?  No.  Oh, but I am so grateful for the experiences I have had that have enabled me to know  the comfort of my Heavenly Father.  I value those moments when His love has covered me, His comfort has reassured me, and His mercy has followed me.
Be encouraged today, my friends.  God is not unmindful of us and is watching over every aspect of our lives.  He will make every test and trial bearable.  He will comfort you and sustain you.  He will give you the opportunity to extend His comfort to others.  He will always be there.  Above all, He will help us love life.  He really will.

God Will Remain Faithful

My friend, Bridgette

I have never found it difficult to speak in front of a crowd.  Whether speaking to one or a thousand, it has always been easy for me.  I love the interaction of the crowd and I especially love it when I see someone's face just light up when they understand and relate to my topic.  It is, indeed, a thrill.

Most of the things I speak about are personal experiences that have worked themselves out in a way that brings glory and honor to the Saviour I love so well.  To be able to share the heartaches and despairs, and to then share the glorious way God turns everything into tremendous victory and triumph is, to me, a glorious calling.

One of my favorite topics is the faithfulness of our great God.  He is the ever faithful, never failing, ever present source of strength and help in time of trouble.  He is never far away, hears every cry, sees every tear-stained face and then draws us close to Him where we hear the heartbeat of God and are comforted.  What a mighty God we serve!

I recently lost a dear, dear friend.  Bridgette was a young woman who captured my heart from the time I first met her.  We had an immediate connection and she became my dearest friend.  Bridgette was not only beautiful outside but she had a shining spirit that allowed her to see the positive in every situation, to bear every cross with joy, and to convince others of their need for Christ.  She encouraged my every endeavor and became my strongest supporter.  I loved her dearly.  We were inseparable for three years.  She was my room mate during that time and I enjoyed her presence in my life.

In time, however, a series of personal tragedies brought Bridgette to the brink of despair.  Though her faith in God never wavered, her choices during that awful time were not the best.  She moved from my home in North Carolina to a small town in Virginia and started her life over.  She was constantly writing to me, calling me, and sending me messages on Facebook letting me know how much she loved and appreciated all I had done and been to her.  She still had that beautiful spirit and never failed to encourage me each time we talked.

On January 27 of this year, Bridgette passed away.  I could hardly believe the news when it came to me and my heart was truly broken.  So many precious memories came to mind and I ached for the sound of her voice.  Each room in my home had small treasures that Bridgette had given me over the years and each one broke my heart anew.  I shed many tears at the unexpected and tragic loss of my friend.

A few days following Bridgette's funeral, I reached for a book that she had given me.   One of my favorite authors had written the book and Bridgette had given it to me for Christmas.  In the front of the book was an inscription Bridgette had written.  As the tears streamed down my face, I read her words and the sound of her voice came ringing back.  The last line she wrote was this, "God will remain faithful."

I read those words, written in Bridgette's hand, and remembered the times that she and I had discussed the faithfulness of God.  I recalled that we had shared many conversations about our great God and that we had always come to the conclusion that no one could be as faithful as God.  No matter what the situation, no matter how fierce the pain, how deep the betrayal, God remained faithful.  We agreed that though we were the best of friends and loved each other dearly, there would be the time when we would not be there when needed or that a word of encouragement would not be spoken when needed.  We agreed that there was no way we, as weak and frail humanity, could ever be as faithful and true as our Heavenly Father.

"God will remain faithful".  When we don't understand---He is faithful.  When we stand alone---He is faithful.  When death comes---He is faithful.  When all is well---He is faithful.  No matter what the circumstance or the difficulty, in sorrow or in joy, God will remain faithful.  He will never, ever leave us or forsake us.  He will be with us always, even unto the end of the world.  How faithful is that!

I will never forget Bridgette.  She lives in my heart and mind and will always be remembered.  When I stand speaking on my favorite subject, the faithfulness of God, Bridgette will be with me.  When I speak words of encouragement, faith, and hope, the conversations we had will be a loving reminder that God remains faithful.

My friends, I have no idea what you are going through today.  I do not know if life is bringing you low with adversity or if you are soaring through clouds of joy.  But I do know this---no matter where you are in life or what you are facing now or will face in the future, God will remain faithful.  He will be there to pick you up,, hold you close, and help you start again.  Faithfulness is what God does---faithful is who He is.  It's just that simple.  I believe it because my friend told me so and because God has proven Himself  faithful unto me.  Only a God who loves me so could speak from the grave of a beloved friend and remind me of who He is.  You can trust Him---you really can.  God will remain faithful.

Remembering To Be Grateful

I don't think that people mean to be ungrateful  Life is so very busy and ever changing that, some days, we feel good about just making it through the day.  Our to-do list seems unending and we fall into bed each evening ready for the precious hours of sleep we are able to gain until the next morning when we start all over again.  For those who have never felt this sense of rush or experienced the endless tasks that remain unfinished at the end of the day, then these words may not be for you.  If, on the other hand, you are painfully familiar with the busyness of life, then perhaps you will identify with me when I say that, rather than take everything for granted as I rush through the day, I pray that God will grant me the grace to remember to be grateful.  

As I write these words, I am sitting at the dining room table in my mother's lovely home.  Mother and Daddy are watching our favorite baseball team, my brother has just cut the grass and I am smelling its freshness come through the screen door.  I am free of chores, tasks, and obligations which allow me time for reflection and writing.  I listen to Mother and daddy talk about the game and the sound of their voices are so precious to me.  I find myself thinking how grateful I am for them and for all the things they have taught me about life and faith.  They have been such wonderful parents to me and my four brothers.

Being grateful, though, is not just being grateful for what we have---it is being grateful for the ability to live life to its fullest.  Each new day offers us choices and grants us opportunities to capture the moments of life with awe and breathless anticipation of what will happen next.  To be grateful is to look at life, the good and the bad, and know that we have come through it all for a purpose.  Every heartache, every moment of despair, every sorrow, every weary moment, has helped mold us and develop strength of character that only comes to those who endure.  These difficult times of life make the good times all the sweeter.  Enduring hardship prepares us for moments of sheer joy that could never be fully appreciated unless preceded by deep sorrow.

How do I know this?  I have been in those moments of life where I felt no joy, no happiness, no anticipation for another day.  I have lain in my bed and watched the sunlight begin to filter through my window and I have thought to myself, "Another day to struggle through.  Another day to feel my broken heart---another day to cry."  I have wept until I had no more tears to weep and could only sit in despair and sorrow, wondering what was the use of living.  I hurt so badly and no one could help me.

Gradually, though, I came to realize that, though I had much pain and sorrow, I also had small things that broke through that sorrow.  I learned the healing power of my grandson's arms wrapped around my neck.  I discovered that a cup of tea with a friend was like the healing balm of Gilead.  My father's booming voice telling me how much he loved me brought tears of joy to my troubled mind.  Mother telling me that she was keeping me in prayer allowed me the peace to sleep through the night.  

As I began to heal and recover, I found myself giving thanks for the small things.  I began to read the Psalms, I listened to instrumental music, I sat outside on my porch swing and felt the breeze on my face.  Most importantly, I purposed that at the end of each day, I would find something to be grateful for.  Giving God thanks for the small pleasures of my life helped me find my way back to living that life.  Was it easy?  NO!  Was it emotionally exhausting?  YES!  Was it worth it?  YES, YES, a thousand times yes.  Life is always worth the effort.

Since that awful time, I have continued to give God thanks and to be grateful for the small things.  Things like the smell of a fresh pot of coffee, the spritz of my favorite perfume, the pink of the sky as the sun sets, the softness of the pillow beneath my head at night, the comfort of a friend's presence and, most of all, the knowledge that no matter where I go God is with me.  I have a small journal that I use to list the things for which I am grateful  Each day I try to add something new to the list.  It keeps me from sinking back into despair when life is painful and keeps me mindful of the daily blessings God bestows upon me.

I pray that God will keep us grateful.  I pray that we will look around at life and realize that, even in our busiest moments, He is there blessing us with small favors that make life rich and full.  I love the praise and worship song that simply says, "I'm forever grateful to you".  My desire is to never forget where He brought me from and to remember to be grateful for the small, daily joys that fill my life.  I yearn to always remember to be grateful---always.

NO ONE STANDS ALONE

It is not yet daybreak and I am sitting here with my morning coffee thinking about the day ahead.  Today is Monday, the first day of a new work week and I am already planning how to approach the day.  Sometimes I just need to be in the present moment and not think too far ahead.

As I sit here in the quiet with no TV, no music playing, no voices heard, I ponder how lonely life can be when it is not shared with another.  Being single and alone is many times a sad place to be.  As these thoughts flood my mind, I am reminded of a song from my youth, "No One Stands Alone".  The song has beautiful words that lift my spirit and encourage me greatly as it reminds me that, with God, I am never alone.  The chorus of the song is my prayer today:

"Hold my hand all the way, every hour, every day.
From here to the great unknown.
Take my hand, let me stand
Where no one stands alone."

We are never truly alone when we are sheltered by a loving Heavenly Father.  He is the friend that is ever faithful, the companion who never leaves or forsakes, the one whose love is constant and true. I  could not endure the adversities of life without knowing that He is ever near.

I realize that there are those who doubt His existence, who have never trusted Him or believed in Him.  That is their choice.  However, I cannot imagine a life without God in it.  His love has covered me and held me secure from the days of my childhood.  When life has been at its bleakest, He has been there.  When death has come to those I loved and I have been left behind, He was there.  Every morning that I awaken, seeking His guidance, He is there.  I am never really alone.

I have no clue as to what the year ahead has in store.  I can tell you this, though, wherever life finds me it will find my sweet Lord.  I live each day knowing that He will never leave me---knowing that I have a friend who is closer than a brother.  I have a Heavenly Father who loves me and knows me by name.  I am never really alone.

In Grace,
Marie

The Way Back

The Way Back

It has been such a very long time since I have written on my blog.  I have followed so many of you and read some wonderful posts but have been unable to devote much time to writing my own.  Some issues with my heart and a serious family situation have occupied much of my time.  Still, in the midst of all of this, I continue to  say that God is so so good.

I have learned that no situation is too difficult for God to handle, that it is possible to have incredible joy in the midst of adversity, and that God never ever leaves us alone.  He is ever present, waiting to comfort us and carry us when we feel we are so unable to take another step.  His love is so constant and His grace so amazing.  How awesome is our God!

One of my favorite songs is "How Great Is Our God".  This song has comforted me and encouraged me in the days when things were so dark and life so overwhelming.   When I was in the emergency room and no one was with me, I felt His presence.  As a cardiac nurse, I watched the heart monitor with full knowledge of  how serious my irregular hear rate and rhythm were.  I was so terribly frightened and thought I would surely die.  In the midst of all of this, I realized the truth of the words of this great song.  I realized that my God was, indeed, truly great and able to care for me when I could not care for myself.  Thankfully, there was no damage or injury to my heart.  The doctors determined that extreme stress and fatigue had created the irregularity.  I remain very grateful for all that God has done.

I am convinced that all things, good and bad, do work together for our good.  In the midst of all the events of life, God remains truly great.  I love Him so dearly and cannot imagine my life without Him in it.  He is helping me find my way back to the things I love---writing, singing, and, most of all, living.  I remain a blessed woman living a blessed life.  I  cannot ask for more than that.

In Grace,
Marie

The Only Way To Stand

The cover of the CD of the movie

Anyone who knows me, knows how much I love the movie "Courageous".   I first saw the movie when I ordered it from my local cable's movies on demand.  I watched it 4 times within the next 24 hours and eventually purchased my own copy of the movie.  I was fascinated by the story of 5 men who made a resolution to live their lives by the Word of God.  In a formal ceremony, each of them took a pledge to be a better father, a better husband, a better man.  Each man was eventually tested to the limit of his resolve---the outcome is phenomenal.  It is a awesome movie.

One of the songs from the soundtrack of the movie, "Sing Your Song to Me" (sung by Third Day), became a favorite with me.  I purchased the soundtrack and I listen to it frequently.  Just this past week, I was just as struck by the words of the title song, also titled "Courageous".  The last line of the chorus says this:  "The only way we'll ever stand, is on our knees with lifted hands."

It seems an odd comment to make---that we must stand by kneeling, but if you think about it from a spiritual standpoint, it makes perfect sense.  When we kneel before the Lord, we are receiving strength, courage, direction.  We are recognizing that we cannot be what He needs us to be by attempting it on our own.  We need the Lord and we need His strength if we are to stand.

I must confess that as I listened to these words, I was reminded of own, dear father.  I have written many times about my father and the tremendous impact he has had on my life.  If I close my eyes and travel back in time, I can hear his booming voice calling my name in prayer---I can feel his hand patting my cheek---and I can hear him whisper in my ear, "Daddy's girl".    I can see him kneeling by his bed with his hands raised high as he prayed for wisdom, knowledge, and understanding. I have witnessed him stand true to his beliefs when others faltered and failed.  His influence on my life cannot be described.

Oh, how we need men of honor and integrity---men of courage and principle---men who stand in the face of all opposition---who will not break in the face of adversity.   How we need Godly fathers and husbands who will teach their sons to honor God, respect authority, and treasure their families.  We so desperately need men who are unashamed to kneel before the Lord and to raise their hands in prayer.

I, too, pray to be courageous.  I pray to be woman of faith and integrity--- a woman of honor---a woman who will remain unafraid to take a stand for what she believes.  I pray to leave a legacy of faith and trust in a God who cannot fail.  My desire is for my children and grandchildren to remember me as a woman of prayer and a woman who willingly raised her hands in praise to God.  I pray to stand on bended knees and lifted hands.  Oh, how I pray to stand.

In Grace,
Marie

How Fast the Time Goes

Time can only be controlled to a certain degree.  How quickly it passes we cannot control.  How we pass the time is what truly matters.
Since my last post, I have been dividing my time between work, church, and home.  I have found myself busier than I thought I could ever be and, up until a week ago  was really enjoying my activities.  However, overdoing has quickly caught up with this physical body of mine and now I am under doctor's orders to rest.  Having depleted my immune system, I am finding such rest a welcome change.
Since my Christmas decor was already in place and my home reflected the season I love the most, my imposed rest allowed me the time to reflect upon its true meaning.  I find myself rereading the scripture's account of the precious Savior's birth with a sense of awe at our Father God's orchestration of events.  A virgin mother, an aged foster father, an angelic chorus, humble shepherds, and wise men from afar, make an account that only the Most High could put in place.  How perfectly each character was chosen---how unexpected were the Father's choices.
Luke tells us that Mary received the angel's message with complete submission, "Be it unto me according to thy word".   Matthew tells us that Joseph, "did as the angel of the Lord commanded him and took to him his wife.".  Luke continues his account by telling of the angelic host appearing to lowly shepherds with a song only angels could sing.  Wise men, bearing expensive gifts, challenged an ungodly ruler to pay tribute to the infant King of Kings.  What a story--what a birth---what a night!!!!
Sometimes, we forget, not that He was born, but the magnificence of His birth.  The wonder of the season can get lost in the festivities and the baby in the manger fades away in the frenzy.  We do not do this intentionally, but it is an undesirable "side effect" of the season.
King David once said, "He maketh me lie down in green pastures".   I am not saying my illness came from God---but I am saying that a time of inactivity can force one to focus on the details of life that often get overlooked when one fills every hour with  activity and duty.  I have come to believe that, as quickly as time passes, we must make every effort to guard against filling it with so much of ourselves that we leave little time for "Him". 
A dear friend of my father's once said, "Only one life it will soon be past.  Only what's done for Christ will last".  Time is all we have to use for Him---everything else is secondary.  Let us purpose to use our time for His glory because we all know how fast the time goes.

In Grace,
Marie
  

The Blessings Continue

So much has happened since my last post.  I am always amazed at how quickly time passes.  As a child, it seemed like days were long and passed slowly.  I could wile away the hours with books, music, family get togethers, and a host of church activities that would occupy almost every free moment.  Oh, what a wonderful life it was.  My childhood memories are well preserved in heart and mind and I would have those days again. 

Still, filling my days now as an adult, I find myself yearning for new memories and for new experiences with my family and trusted friends.  Second only to the presence of God Himself, family is the best thing we have and the greatest blessing God gives.  I love time spent with my family.

Having recently come through a diagnosis of colon cancer, and surviving two surgeries to remove the cancerous growth, seeing my brother, Dan, was at the top of my list.  How grateful I was to see his face, hear his strong voice, and listen to his laughter as we shared stories of our childhood and my grandsons' latest escapades.  I cannot thank God enough for the blessing of having him with me.  He looked so good and, if I had not seen the scars for myself, it would have been difficult to believe that he had come through such a horrendous ordeal.  God is so good.

Of course seeing my son, John, and his lovely girlfriend, Sarah, was a highlight of my trip.  As I listened to my son speak about his job, his college classes, and his family, I became very aware that he has become a man I am so very proud of.  John is strong, independent, and has a great sense of humor.  He will never know that in the dark days of my life, he saved me from total despair.  John is my only son and I could never find the words to tell how much I love my son.

My youngest brother, Dwight, just makes my day.  I was 15 when Dwight was born and I thought he was all mine.  I spoiled him unmercifully and delighted in his every achievement.  I am so proud of him and love him so much.

I guess I have described my family in such detail because I don't see them very often and they are never very far from my thoughts.  I am so grateful.  My parents raised all of us to love God first, family second and to never underestimate the love a family can provide.  I am thankful for that bedrock of teaching that runs through us all.  It is the tie that bind us together.

Yet, the memories are what are so precious.  Memories of love, sharing, and laughter can quickly come to mind to comfort and sustain me in my darkest moments.  Recalling a funny story, a loving moment, or a special celebration can fill me with joy.  I am a blessed woman.

So, as the grandchildren and great grandchildren begin making their own memories, we "older children" will add our stories as we go along.  The telling never ends---nor do the blessings.  It is the joy of life to remember that God is ever present and never leaves or fails.  I am so grateful for that abiding presence in my life and the lives of those I love.  There is nothing that can take His place, no love greater than that of our precious Father God.  To be loved by God is the greatest privilege of life and the greatest blessing I have received.

The blessings continue and I give Him praise.

In Grace,

Marie

Going Home

As most of you who follow my blog will know, my family lives several states away.  I am originally from Ohio but am now living in North Carolina.  My daughter and her sweet family live about an hour away but the rest of my immediate family remains in Ohio.  Tomorrow I will be flying home to see them all and I am so EXCITED!!  I am particularly longing to see my brother, Dan, who recently fought colon cancer so bravely.  Praise to the Most High, he is currently cancer free.

As I was thinking of the joy of seeing those I love, I was reminded of the blessing of having a loving family.  What a joy it is to see their faces and to hear the sound of their voices.  I am eager to hear Daddy's booming voice and feel his loving embrace.  I am equally yearning for my Mother's sweet touch and to see her precious face.  My brothers, Dan and Dwight, and my wonderful son, John, complete the reunion.  How blessed I am to be part of such a wonderful family.

There are times in life when you realize just how blessed you are.  I have lost two of my four brothers---they both left this world way too young, with many left behind to mourn their loss.  My family's recent struggle with my brother Dan's health again brought a clear perspective to what is really important in life.  It is not the acquisition of things that creates a life.  It is not the accolades of man or the accomplishments of life, neither is it titles or recognition that bring us joy.  It is the presence of God and the blessings He gives that makes life worth living.  The blessing of family cannot be underestimated when we remind ourselves of what is truly valuable.

I am aware that not everyone has this blessing.  I know that I was, and am, blessed beyond measure with the family I have.  I do so wish that everyone could share in such a blessing.  I cannot thank God enough, or find the words to describe, the joy my family brings to me.  My life has not been an easy one at times but it has always been undergirded by the knowledge that there were those who loved me standing near and always supporting me and caring for me.  I love them all so dearly.

Going home is such a thrill for me.  I am sure that there will be a day when I will return to the familiar place I have always called home.  It will not be the same as it was in days gone by, but the memories will remain and the family members who also remain will still love and care for each other.  My desire is to leave behind a way of life for my children and grandchildren to carry into the future.  It would give me tremendous pleasure to know that love of family and the ties that bind a family together will remain intact long after I am gone.

Home for me is to be surrounded by all of my family---parents, brothers, children and grandchildren.  Second only to God Himself, they are the greatest joy of life.  There is nothing that is more precious than spending time with those whose love and presence has been so sustaining through all of life's ups and downs.  It is, indeed, a true joy.  And that, my friends, is why I'm going home.

Blessings to each of you today.

In Grace,
Marie

Just Let Me Know

My wonderful Daddy, Rev. Russell Caudill

My father is such an awesome man.  I have written before about his kindness, his generosity, and his love of family.  He is a man whose steps are directed of the Lord and a man whose love for God is the guiding factor of his life.  I adore him.

I am certain that my trust in my Heavenly Father has been molded by my trust and love for my earthly father.  My Daddy has not been perfect but he has been the best father in the world to me and my four brothers.  His living example of faith and devotion have colored my view of the God I serve.  When my father would sit me on his knee as a little girl and talk to me about the goodness and faithfulness of God, I believed every word he said.  I believed it because I saw it in my father's life.

As you know from previous posts, our family has recently endured the devastating news of my brother, Dan, and his diagnosis of colon cancer.  Daddy became the bedrock of faith for our entire family.  Throughout the entire ordeal, Mother was the prayer warrior and Daddy the voice of faith.  Everyday his booming voice would speak to me about my brother and let me know that God was in control.  His unwavering faith in the goodness of God became the anchor for all of us to cling to.  My heart and mind were at ease just hearing Daddy's words of encouragement.

About six weeks ago, I faced a personal crisis of my own.  It was so devastating and so heart wrenching, I didn't think I could bear up under the load.  My tears were many and my prayers were constant.  I knew God was in control but I definitely could not control my own  raging emotions during that time.  Knowing that I could put my trust in my unfailing Heavenly Father was my greatest source of comfort.  The prayers and encouragement of my earthly father did, once again, anchor my drifting heart.

As I spoke to my Daddy about this trying circumstance, he listened patiently while I poured out my heart to him.  I could hear his whispers to the Lord as I was speaking to him and I knew that Daddy was already lifting me to God in prayer.  When I could speak no more, the voice I have loved to hear all of my life began to counsel me as to the steps I should take to resolve the issue.  As my emotions began to calm, I felt hope spring up within me and I could begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  When we came to the end of the conversation, Daddy said, "If there is anything you need, just let me know.".

Shortly after I hung up the phone, I realized that this is exactly what our dear Heavenly Father has instructed us to do when facing life's adversities.  God desires for us to "let Him know" when we need His help---when life is too much for us to handle---when our hearts are overwhelmed---when we feel we have no place else to go.  We can go to Him knowing that, even if the problem does not go away, we still can have His abiding presence and the assurance that He will work this out for our good.  No one else can do for us what God can do for us.  We just need to ask so that we may receive and seek so that we may find.

My Daddy is eighty-two years old.  He is active, funny, vibrant, and full of life.  He still travels to conferences and special services across the country with my sweet Mother as his traveling companion.  He still reads the scriptures with a yearning to know them fully and strives to live by God's Word in his daily life.  He is such a Godly man and I am proud to be his child.

Today, I strive to be a child of God that would reflect Him to those around me.  I want to be the humble servant of the Most High, striving to be all He would have me be.  There are times when I am able to be at peace in my surroundings and find joy in the simple things of life.  Other times, when the storm is raging, I am driven to my knees, petitioning my dear Lord for the needs of my life.  I  am comforted by the fact that, in those times of desperation, I hear the Lord say, "I will supply all your needs---just let me know.".  Isn't that just like a father, meeting the needs of the children if they will only let Him know.

In Grace,
Marie

That's Why I'm Here

There is nothing in my life that gives me more comfort than my mother's prayers. Other than the presence of my sweet Lord, knowing that my Mother is praying for me brings me my greatest source of peace and confidence. She is a woman whose life is given to prayer and considers it a privilege to intercede on behalf of others. Recent family situations have driven all of us to our knees and I think we have come to know more than ever before the necessity of prayer. Yet, it has been Mother who has continued to keep her vigil of prayer for her children and grandchildren during this time of extreme testing.


My sweet Mother. This was taken in the late 1960's, shortly after my Daddy had become a pastor


As you know from previous posts, my brother, Dan, has recently been through surgery for colon cancer. Upon receiving the news of Dan's cancer, Mother showed a faith that can only come from those who know God intimately. As she watched her son go through the initial surgery and then, due to post-op complications, a second one , her faith never wavered. Every day she and Daddy made the trip to the hospital to be at my brother's side. She sat by his bed and prayed with him. She walked with him in the hallways and prayed with him. She watched him sleep and prayed with him. Every single day, my brother was bathed in the prayers of our Godly Mother. He is now home and recovering well. I know he believes that the prayers of our Mother had much to do with his recovery.

Just recently, I have been enduring my own difficult time. Uncertain of how to handle my circumstances, uncertain of even how to pray about them, I called Mother and asked her to pray for me. As I began to share with her the details of the situation, she listened quietly. When I could speak no more for the tears and the despair of my heart, Mother said to me, "I will pray for you and God will move. He will help you in this situation. I believe in my heart that everything will be alright.". Oh, the love I felt for her at that moment. Oh, the gratitude that flooded my heart cannot be expressed in words. I said to her, "Mother, it gives me such peace to know you are praying for me. What will I do when you are gone and there is no one to pray for me?". I heard that familiar little chuckle of hers as, without missing a beat she said, "That's why I'm here.".


This photo of my Mother was taken shortly before her 80th birthday. My beautiful, Godly Mother.


My Mother is 81 years old. She is an active little lady although she has become a little more frail in recent months. She still travels with Daddy to their various ministerial functions and still maintains her home without outside help. Her life's mission, however, has been to be the intercessor---to be the prayer warrior---to be the one who stands in the gap for those she loves. She does it well and without complaint. She is, quite frankly, a remarkable woman. I so long to be like her.

I know that there will be a day when my dear, precious Mother will no longer be with me. The voice that I have heard pray for me all my life will be silenced. I pray that when that time comes, I can continue on in the role she has begun. I pray to be the prayer warrior and guardian of my family. I pray to be strong in faith and to be able to continually devote myself to praying for those I know and love. It is my desire to be able to repeat the words of my Mother and to tell those I keep in prayer, "That's why I'm here.".

In Grace,
Marie

Home At Last

As most of you know, my brother, Dan, recently had surgery for colon cancer. Shortly after his initial surgery, he developed a bowel obstruction requiring a second surgery. He told me later that there were times when he wasn't sure he would make it through the ordeal. Praise be to God, Dan is now home and recovering well.

As I spoke with Dan on the phone a few nights ago, I could hear in his voice how relieved he was to be home. My mind went back to the many times I have journeyed home to see my family and the sense of anticipation that I had as I traveled. I thought about the peace I always feel when I lay down to rest in my parent's home. Mother and Daddy have always given us, their children and grandchildren, a place of refuge from life's adversities---a place of joy and laughter---and, above all, a place where love is freely given. To my brothers and to me, home is where you go when life becomes too much to handle.

I know there are those who have not had such a loving environment in their childhood. I am aware that many children grow up without loving parents and siblings. I do, indeed, realize how blessed I have been to have treasured memories of such a home. Yet, as wonderful as the home was that my parents provided for me, there is a home far greater that awaits me. I am speaking of the eternal home that God has prepared for me when my earthly life is over. A place where sorrow never enters, where heartache is never known. It is a place where sickness never comes and where death never enters. It is a perfect place.

I will be traveling home soon to spend some much needed time with my family, especially my brother. I will be making the trip with much joy and anticipation. Yet, always in the back of my mind, there is the knowledge that my eternal home is waiting. As I look forward to my Daddy's strong embrace and my Mother's gentle voice, as I eagerly await time with my brothers and my son, as I make plans to see my friends and elderly saints of God, I wait patiently for the time when I will lay down this earthly mantle and enter my Heavenly home. It is my desire, my hope, to live my life in such a way that I will hear my precious Savior say, "Well done, my child. Enter in to the joys of the Lord.". It is then that I will know I am truly home. Only then will I know for certain that I am home at last.

In Grace,
Marie

As I Remember

It is with great pride today that I call myself an American. Though our great nation has its problems, it remains the nation of freedom---freedom purchased with great sacrifice and great sorrow. To those who have given their lives for my liberty and to those who fight for the same cause today, I say "Thank You.". I am grateful to each of you and proud of the service you have given to your country.

This is my uncle, Arthur Neace

I recall as a child my mother's brother, Uncle Arthur Neace, coming home from World War II. He fought in the Battle of the Bulge and remembered seeing his comrades give their lives in service to their country. He was one of the fortunate who came home. I loved him dearly and he was so kind to me. His death when I was 11 left me with a sense of great loss. He was a great man.

This is my uncle, Junior Tomps Caudill

My father's only sibling, Uncle Junior, also fought for our country. He was in the Korean war. He fought in battle and was also a mechanic who helped repair the tanks and other vehicles used in warfare. He is now 79 years old but still remembers clearly his days in the U.S. Army. I love my uncle very much and am very proud of him and his service to his country.

My nephew, Derek Russell Caudill

I wrote a few months ago about my nephew, Derek. He has recently returned from overseas and is now stationed in Fort Hood, Texas. He is quite a young man and serves his country with pride and dignity. I am so very proud of him.

Last year, my daughter and her family took a trip to Washington, D.C. They had a wonderful time and my grandsons, Michael and Gabriel, enjoyed seeing all the historical sights they had learned about in school. One of the sights they saw was the Vietnam Memorial. As you know the names of those who lost their lives in service to their country are listed on the wall. When Michael saw the memorial and realized that all those names represented those who had died while fighting in the war, his little heart was touched. This picture says it all.

Today, I am grateful for the grace of God. I am equally grateful that His grace and mercy have rested upon America and allowed it to remain the greatest nation on earth. I love the words of the song, "America, America...God shed His grace on thee...And crown thy good with brotherhood...from sea to shining sea.". I pray His blessing forever remains on America and its people.

Blessings to each of you today.

In Grace,
Marie

The Sound of Your Voice

My handsome brother, Dan

This morning I was able to speak with my brother, Dan. As you know, he had surgery last week for colon cancer, is now recovering and doing so very well. Truly I am so grateful to the Lord for being with my brother and for bringing him through such a tremendous ordeal. He is still in the hospital but should be able to go home in a couple of days.

When he answered the phone this morning, I nearly wept at the sound of his voice. He has a very deep, manly voice (just like our father) and this morning it was clear and strong. I listened to him talk and thought about how much joy the sound of his voice brought to my heart. His conversation, his chuckle, his dry sense of humor---all made me laugh out loud as I chatted with him for a short space of time. Just hearing his voice made everything okay.

After I got off the phone with Dan, the thought came to me---are we as thrilled to hear the voice of God as we are that of our loved ones? Do we yearn for Him to speak to us, to calm us, to comfort us, as only the voice of our Heavenly Father can do? Are we as eager for the sound of the Father's voice as we are for His grace or mercy? Are we so preoccupied with what we want God to do for us that we have lost the thrill of the sound of His voice?

God speaks in so many different ways. He is in the words of a song, the sound of children's laughter, the rain falling softly in spring, or the whispered prayers of seasoned saints. Then, there are the times when He enters our thoughts, comforting us, directing us, strengthening us. God speaks to us through His precious Word as well, letting us know we are not alone in our despairs, our sorrows, or our joys. God is always speaking if we could but take a moment to listen.

Today, I am thrilled at the sound of my brother's voice. I love him so dearly and am so grateful to God that he has blessed Dan to be with us and not allowed the cancer to take him away. Oh, but now I yearn for the sound of a different voice. I yearn for the voice of my Heavenly Father as He comes to me in comfort, peace, and joy. The words of a song from the movie "Courageous" comes to mind, "Sing your song to me...there's no great thing...than to listen to the sound of your voice...". I cannot say it better than that.

Blessings to you today as you listen for the sound of His voice.

In Grace,
Marie

A Grateful Heart

This morning my heart rejoices at how God answers prayer. As you know from my previous post, my brother, Dan was diagnosed with colon cancer a month ago. It was such a shock to all of us because he has such a healthy lifestyle and has never shown any signs of illness at all (other than a cold or flu occasionally). A diagnosis of cancer just devastated my entire family. We immediately began to pray for his healing and his recovery.

Yesterday afternoon, Dan, underwent surgery for removal of the cancerous lesion. Praise to the Most High, it was a very successful surgery. He had an excellent surgeon---one that I had worked with many times when I lived in Ohio. The surgery was very lengthy and tedious. However, the lesion was very contained with no involvement of other organs. It was removed, along with several lymph nodes, and he is recovering well at this time.

Dan doing his favorite thing---reading the business news

I cannot thank God enough for His goodness and His watchful care during my brother's illness. At each step of the way, He has had people there who were able to direct my brother to the right tests, the right surgeon, the right hospital. This whole episode began when my brother passed out at work. He was hospitalized and numerous workups revealed nothing specific. At a follow-up visit with his family physician, he was told to get a colonoscopy in an effort to determine if there was a cause for his blood work being slightly low. Dan is 49 and normally colonoscopies do not begin until an individual is 50. However, his physician was persistent and encouraged Dan to go ahead with the procedure. How grateful we all are as this was when his cancer was discovered. Waiting another year could have proven disasterous.

As terrible and heart wrenching as this has been, I am ever grateful for the Lord's watchfulness over my brother. He is such a fine man---I am so blessed to have him in my life. Please continue to pray for Dan and for my family as well. We are continuing to believe and trust in the Lord for Dan's complete and full recovery.

God is good all the time, and all the time God is good. He really is.

In Grace,
Marie

A Sister's Prayers

It has been several months since I have been able to write and keep up with all of my friends in the blogging circle. It has been a time of great personal illness and devastating family illness as well. My faith has been put to the test but I am as certain of God's power, mercy, and grace as I have ever been. God is so good. Even in the midst of the most devastating circumstances, He is ever faithful and true.

This is my brother , Dan.

As I write this, he is preparing for surgery for colon cancer. Dan is 49. Those of you who have followed my blog in times past will recall that Dan is a minister and one of the finest Bible teachers I have ever heard. He is a loving father, devoted husband, and a true man of God in every sense of the word. I love him so very much.

It is difficult to watch those you love endure such trying circumstances. My mind goes back to the little boy who would take my hand when crossing the street and would hug me tight before going to bed each night. I recall the first time I heard him teach when, at age 17, he taught my teenage Sunday School class the meaning of "Going the Distance". The night he was ordained into the ministry is a sweet memory for me as tears of joy filled the eyes of my parents---we were all so proud of him.

Now I am faced with the difficulty of being strong for him and for my family even though my own heart hurts so desperately for him. As a nurse, I know the severity of what he is facing---as a sister, I long to be able to make it all go away---as a child of God, I stand on the promises of a God who cannot fail. We are called to a higher purpose when it comes to intercession. It is at this time that we go before the Lord on behalf of another and seek God for healing and restoration.

It is a privilege to be able to pray for my brother. I cannot heal Him, but I know one who can. I cannot calm his spirit and give him peace of mind, but I pray to one who can. Will you pray with me? Will you, in your prayer time, ask God to be with my brother and to give strength to my family? I am so grateful for each of you and the kind words you have always sent to me in times such as these. May His blessings come to each of you in abundance today.

In Grace,
Marie